11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
