its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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