I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
