god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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