The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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