Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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