he shaved USA in his pubs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
