i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
