go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
