I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
