Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
