girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
