His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
