her vagine was all disorganized.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Semen is not good for contacts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
