She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
