sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
