im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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