i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
