I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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