And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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