Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You are the jesus of drinking
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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