i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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