i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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