i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
