Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
