Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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