i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
