So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
