Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
