so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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