Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
