Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
