these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
