those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
