I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
