He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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