We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
