Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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