He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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