He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
