we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
