This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
