fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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