Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
