I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
