opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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