toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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