just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
