That's when you crack a 10am beer
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
