I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
