Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
