grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
