On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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