dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want nice things and good sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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