I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
