He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
