Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
