YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
