Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
